I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
