I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
