You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
