Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
