He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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