I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
