When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
