so explain again why im purple
no
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
