His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
