She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
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