i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
