i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
