You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
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where are you?
Hypothermia
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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