God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
