What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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