I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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