VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize