my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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