What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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