Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
