dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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