Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
