First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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