remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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