i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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