I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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