my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
