I just gift wrapped bread.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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