I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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