Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
it hurts more in the daytime
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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