my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
