If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
