so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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