walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
