Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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