Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
