So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
