don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
