so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
