Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
