I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
