great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
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she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
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She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out