Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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