Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.