I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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