You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????