Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.