Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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