I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.