If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
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