planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.