Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
