you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.