ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
