Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
