Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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