Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
