I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
