why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Four minutes until I can fart!
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
