She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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