Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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