He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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