I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
