two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
