im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
