My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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