I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
