I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
