I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
