fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
